The Zone

Christmas Time

2006-12-08T18:48:00.000-01:00

Hey noone! Blog's been dead for a while, but here are some pictures anyway.
I did them for the Bangor University Carol Service! Which is on Monday at 7:30pm.There are more, but it's getting quite busy now.

Documarkary: Bangor 3 - Accommodation

2006-09-22T21:20:00.000-01:00

On Sunday I'm going back to Bangor to begin the third and final year of my course. But, before I go, let's hark back to the heady days of the first year. (You will need a harking-enabled browser to view the video.)

Markumentary: Bangor 2 - Post

2006-09-18T22:19:00.000-01:00

Burried deep in the hills of Snowdonia, and looking out onto the haunting shores of Anglesey, lies the mysterious and enchanting world of Bangor. Come; join the hords of traffic-cone encumbered drunkards known as students as they explore this strange new world...

Cinemark: Bangor 1 - Food

2006-09-12T15:35:00.000-01:00

Today's vid begins a short series I made on the high-points of student life in Bangor. You can get to all my You Tube stuff on the link down the left-hand side of the page, or here. I'd also like to plug the new Robsters film again. Check it out at robsters.com.

Smash Hit

2006-09-12T00:23:00.000-01:00

I was at the premiere of Robsters TV yesterday evening, hob-nobbing (or something) with the stars. I think it's the best film we've done so far. Check it out at Robsters.com!

Cinmarkema: I Know Origami

2006-09-06T20:22:00.000-01:00

Here's another film I've done. Ages ago.

Robsters TV - Almost Here!

2006-09-04T22:02:00.000-01:00

That's right! The latest Robsters film will be hitting a screen near you (well, at least on the same planet) in a matter of days. Robsters TV is premiereing this coming Sunday evening! The world holds its breath in anticipation of 25 minutes of pure Robsters comedy action.

The show will dip in to the krazy world of the Robsters television channel, with a whirlwind tour of the outlandish shows and eccentric characters that inhabit this frenetic frequency. Old characters return and new ones join the fray on the least boring television station known to man.

It is also noteworthy for other reasons:
1. I drew the cover, sampled above.
2. I play at least seven characters! Crazy.
3. It's a first-time for some new actors.

For more info, including the exclusive trailer, check out robsters.com.

Markinema: Day Of The Radioactive Bins

2006-08-28T18:58:00.000-01:00

Part one of and astounding trilogy whch I never finished!

Smash Morgan

2006-08-25T13:08:00.000-01:00

Three post in as many days? Does this mean that The Zone is experiencing some sort of revival? Probably not. The absence of posts over the last six months has been largely due to the fact that my creative juices have been being funneled down different allys of creation and flowing into new streets of artistic expression. Among other things, I've been writing a comic.

The Adventures Of Smash Morgan has just reached its twentieth page. (This may not sound like much, but you have to bare in mind that I've had other stuff to do and that the average comic has one script-writer and three people handling the drawing. I'm just me.) I can best describe it as a cross between the Incredibles and a British Flash Gordon. (I didn't set out with this intention, but it's kind of turned out that way.) I've currently got three adventures planned in my head, but who knows if anyone will want to publish any of my appauling clap-tap?

The first slightly nutty adventure sees a down-hearted MI6 agent get an unexpected transfer and, shortly, be propelled into the final frontier. Smash must recapture and escaped convict, Professor VonJohnston, who is hiding on Mars... but, with one agent already disappeared on the same errand, could Smash be finished before he's even begun?

This is a preliminary drawing for the first adventure: Smash Morgan and the Killer Outer-space Mutants of Death.

Also, I've done Rob a new frog! Check Robsters.com.

There's plenty more vids where the ones below came from, so I'll have some low-maintainence blog-fodder for a couple of weeks.

Cinemark: Star Wars: Assault and Pepper

2006-08-24T15:24:00.000-01:00

This dates from about 4 years ago. Crazy.
A lot has changed since then. My brother's hair is much longer now.

Crash Dummies' Last Stand

2006-08-23T10:55:00.000-01:00

I made this about five years ago, but I only learned how to embed just now.

It's Raining

2006-06-27T15:38:00.000-01:00

It's often hard to be good. This shocking revelation came to me recently as I was playing Black & White 2. In the game you play a god, though you are not omnipotent nor omniscient, neither are you omnipresent (and you can forget triune, too). However, despite these short-comings you can still throw two-hundred and fifty-five people in the air. Like this:

Though they don't like it at the time, a simple re-load will see these people safely back where they started, alive and well. You have to wonder what affect such an incomplete representation of moral consequences is having on the children of today. And me.

Don't get mad, it's Brad and Tad... and some Ninjas

2006-06-23T18:00:00.000-01:00

Okay, so it's been a more than a month since I last posted anything. I realise that blog-deprivation must have had a serious detrimental affect on you during that time. I apologise.

Anyway, here's some info on the latest Robsters films, in plenty of time for the updated DVD release of Don't Mess With a Ninja.

Go!!! Surf with Brad & Tad
A film without peer (no pun intended), Brad & Tad introdues you to an unlikely surfing duo who want to teach you everything they know about surfing (which may turn out not to be much). Our two masters in the ways of the surf mix comedy antics with a plethora of educational surfing "facts". From "how to talk" to "what to eat", Brad and Tad provide an extensive commentry on perfect surfing practice. This proves highly entertaining, as do the (often) horrendous attempts a North American accents. The show is rounded off with a phone-in quiz on Bournemouth pier, and you should also look out for the exclusive advertisment for Muscle Juice.

Throughout the film atmosphere is provided by Bournemouth beach. However, though it looks toasty on film, the materiel was actually shot just a week before Christmas. According to some reports, one of the actors actually died of frost-bite during filming and had to be substituted with an anamatronic model for that last few scenes. Still, his sacrifice wasn't in vane. This is the best Robsters film to date.

Don't Mess With A Ninja
The latest release from Robsters Entertainment Productions sees director Rob taking on a whole new genre, martial arts films. The film also makes use of new technical approaches: First it was used for multiplayer gaming, then by the likes of Spooks and 24, now split-screen has found its true home at Robsters Productions.

Ninja follows the trials, tribulations and ass-kicking of a young ninja named Yukio Nikko. He must learn the ways of the ninja from Grand Master Nikko so he can defeat his arch nemesis, Kuro Raidon. If Kuro prevails the Yukio family will be both dead and dis-honoured, which would be a bit rubbish.

This is an ambitous film, but it came out pretty cool. Tim and Chris did a really good job with the fight scenes, and you can really feel the pain of the faceless ninja extras as they are skewered with their own swords or simply kicked in the head. Though he doesn't really fight much, Master Nikko comes across very well, largely due to the supreme actings skill provided by his thespian encumbant. Though the much anticipated space-ship scene had to be cut from the final film due to cost issues, the film still teaches the viewer a powerful message about courage and sacrifice (in split-screen!).

Both films are viewable at robsters.com, but you get better res and extra stuff on the DVDs.

n

2006-05-19T23:02:00.000-01:00

Busy busy busy with exams at the moment.

If you're bored download this. It's called 'n'. It is a game where you play ninja and it is very good.

Would you Adam and Eve it?

2006-05-02T08:41:00.000-01:00

Hey world. It's been a busy, busy month. The latest Robsters film is out and watchable at Robsters.com. It's called Don't Mess With A Ninja, and once you've seen it you'll know why. A review of the film will follow soon (or not so soon depending on my work-load).

On Saturday, I went to a talk by renowned speaker and scientific-community-annoyer, John Mackay. He was both crazy and Australian. He's also the International Director of Creation Research, who tries to show how the Biblical Genesis narrative is supported by current geological evidence. His main points were:

Fossilisation can only be caused by a catastrophy.
Loads of tribes around the world recount a global flood in their mythology.
Global limestone deposites with land plants and marine creature fossils indicate a big flood.
Rock strata can be formed all at once, in parallel, by a rush of water and, therefore, do not show the passing of time through increasing height.
Current geology is based on presuppositions that have been to readily accepted without examination.
These presuppositions were thought up by Charles Lyell, who was sneaky.

It was a very animated talk with much (too much) clapping from the audience. There were pictures and diagrams which illustrated Mackay's points well, though his assement of Lyell's (and briefly Darwin's) motives were less convincing. He also undermined himself with a few jokes in faily poor taste.

As far as Mackay was concerned, the Genesis account explains prefectly the evidence available, while conventional geology relies on too much evidence that isn't there. All in all he seems to be a catastrophist who is motivated by a strong belief in the literal historiocity of the Genesis account. This will always cause some contention as modern science demands impartiality. To start with a presupposition, such as the creation narrative, is to refuse to be informed by whatever evidence you uncover. This is why Mackay attempted to show that current geology is based on its own presuppositions, those of Lyell. Mackay maintained that impartiality is a false concept and that the scientific community continues to be partial to agnosticism and atheism, while theism is automatically discounted. Still, it seems unlikely that the wider scientific community will accept his views, because, as far as they are concerned, they aren't scientific.

I found the lecture pretty interesting and will definitey be following up on some of the issues raised. One question strikes me above all, however. If Adam had to name all the animals before he even had kids, did Cain and Abel get the worst names?

Getting Over The Edge

2006-04-13T20:46:00.000-01:00

Hey people the world over! You may remember that, a while back, I posted some info on a gig what we was running; you may not. Either way I did and we was.

The Edge was a pretty stressful day, but it saw some snap answers to prayer and I met some really really cool people. We had a pretty low turn-out on the night (Who knows why?). But in the end it was all gravy as we broke even! Which is an actual real-life miracle (honestly)!!!!!!

Despite the low turn out, the bands, Glass Darkly and Superhero, put their all into the night and were rocking. I've been checking up on Superhero's website and they finally whacked this picture on it:
Taken by the band on the night it shows the amazingly enthusiastic crowd, including some people I know, and me. Hoorah, we're famous!

Making a Spectacle of Myself

2006-04-10T20:51:00.000-01:00

Have you ever been for an eye test? I heartily recommmend it, they're great fun.- Look over there. Read that. Count this. Watch that melt into a blurry splode.- It's a non-stop tour of visual craziness! And reasonably priced at only £24. After this I was entitled to pay more money for the pleasure of increased road saftey and the super-human ability to see stuff that's far away. Great!

I test drove them round Wokingham and found it to be a new and wonderous place in full 3D, with Technicolor. Looking forward to looking forward at stuff.

More spectacular news comes in the form of a completed first day of filming Don't Mess with a Ninja. The latest Robsters movie looks to be walking the fine line between serious action and comedic stagering. The stuff we filmed today is dynamite, though I obviously can't disclose details.

See the last movie we did here.

Star Wars

2006-04-05T15:25:00.000-01:00

Worry not; faken it all is. Fine Yoda will be. (Anyway, George Lucas has pretty much finished with him now, right?) So, here's a picture I drew a while ago (click to enlarge). I've since noticed that I gave Yoda the wrong number of fingers. Oh well, it doesn't look like he was around long enough to notice.

Also on the Star Wars end of things (if there is one), conversations with Tim (Bangor Chrisitan Union's current Male President) have led me down nostalgia lane to a galaxy far far away. I've been playing on Rebel Assault II. It's almost unplayable, but it's got X-wings, Tie Fighters, Darth Vader and plenty of Star Wars clichés; so it's really good... kind of.

Rookie Wan: Wamprats! Extreme pixelation and dodgy control system thwrating attempts to kick Imperial butt.
Imperial Bucket Head: Ha ha ha!

Space, the final front ear

2006-04-04T01:38:00.000-01:00

Hi earthlings. I bring you geetings from planet Wokking'am, where very little happens. Consequently, I've had plenty to time to engage in vector manipulation. The visual data above is the result of today's 'work'. I set my navgation points with Inkscape. Inkscape is free, but we all need money. So why not employ this valient space-cadet?

An Illustrated Guide to Theology

2006-04-01T10:38:00.000-01:00

I'm back from Bangor! I haven't posted here for a while due to the immence amount of work I've had to do.
Anyway, here are (here're?) some pictures from my new Illustrated Guide To Theology. (Orginally on a Birthday card.) They show the difference between Arminiansim and Calvinism. Arminianism states that we can choose to follow God when he calls us (often depicted as Jesus knocking on the door of your heart). Calvinism says that once God's chosen you, you've got no choice.

Edit - 10/04/06
Tim rightly criticised the above definitions. I'm slightly prone to hyperbole. I guess both Arminianism and Calvinism are both ways of interpreting how and why we choose God. Sorry, proper theologians everywhere.

Also, new Robsters fim coming soon!

And since we've no place to go...

2006-03-03T13:56:00.000-01:00

I've seen more snow this week than in the previous twenty years put together. This make for lots of fun and a bit less work.

The Edge

2006-02-27T13:46:00.000-01:00

Here's another poster for The Edge. Black and white = cheaper copying. I've also corrected the mistakes in the Welsh. Sorry Welsh people everywhere!

2006-02-24T02:55:00.000-01:00

Finally, some news that actually matters! Above is a poster (I did that, I did) for The Edge, an event which promises to blow the socks off all other events ever, including all those held at Wembley Stadium. Here's the deal:

It's an evangelistic event.
It's being organised by Christians (and mostly by Simon).
It's at 8:30pm on March 16th, in the Time nightclub, Bangor.
£3.50 for students. £5 for proper grownups.
Proceedings will include an amazing performance from the world-renouned Joey G doing his rap thing, while Scots, Superhero, will provide the rock.
Should B mental!!!

It sounds great and it will be! So why not come if you happen to be in Bangor... or the northern hemisphere?

Food

2006-02-17T21:21:00.000-01:00

Tonight we had an amazing dish, which was delicious in a whole new sense of the word.

Less Than Interesting

2006-02-10T15:35:00.000-01:00

Hi world! I'm sorry for the rather sub-standard posts I've been producing of late. Hopefully they'll improve in the near future. I've always tried to make The Zone an exciting and worthwhile blog to visit, but what if I've failed? What if it's become just another self-serving flood of electronic drivel; a worthless digital dog-doo on the sole of the gigantic shoe of the internet...!? I... I don't think I could take that... N-No! Nnnoooooooooooooooooooooo!!!!!

Oh look, a shiny penny.

HiHo

2006-02-05T13:55:00.000-01:00

HiHo Blogworld, I've not blogged for a while cos I've been ill twice in as many weeks, with different ailments each time. Crazy.

In other important news:
We can drink the water again. Apparently, they're using special new ultra violet technology to kill all the little germs. At least that's what I heard off someone... Still, our water re-embersment is paying this quater's electricity bill. Hurrah!

Wales lost the rugby. I don't care about sport, but the magin by which they were beaten is sitll faily impressive.

The new Robsters film looks like being pretty ACE.

I'll try and put something humerous and worth reading up hear soonish, but don't hold your breath.

Stu Dent #1 (destroyed by lowsy blog site. Horror!)

2006-01-26T12:10:00.000-01:00

I thought I'd liven up my blog with a humerous cartoon, but blogspot has risen to unkown heights of crapness and it will only put it on this big:
Trust me, it is both topical, witty, hilarous and then topical again. Maybe the student rag will take it. Then again, it is full of pretenciousness(spl?) and I'm not sure I'd feel completely at home there.

If you havve a browser that alows you to enlarge this image, thereby decreesing the crapiness of this post, please let me know.

Long Time, No Blog

2006-01-20T16:39:00.000-01:00

I've been revising for my exams and, consequently, have had no time to blog or thing of a witty subject on which to post. My sincerest apologies.

Back In Bangor

2006-01-09T16:04:00.000-01:00

Did you know that the first Ecumenical Church Council was held in 325? Or that Arius, the infamous presbyter from Alexandria, apparently fell apart on his toilet (in 337, I think)? I'm sure you did. Sorry for wasting your time, but such is the amazing information I am currently trawling through in the hope of passing my exams.

Anyway, I'm back in Bangor now. You still can't drink the water and it looks like our house is being sold on e-bay. More later.

Ramble Ramble

2006-01-05T12:37:00.000-01:00

Hey world. Here's the latest run-down of stuff; coming straight from The Zone to your web-browser compatible device.

I got Mission Bell, Delirious?'s new album, yesterday and, quite frankly, I'm digging it. Particularly good on it are Solid Rock, Miracle Maker, Paint The Town Red and all the other tracks.

I've been reading a bit about Wesley and the People Called Methodists in the book of the same name by R P Heitzenrater. I've got up to 1729 so far, so I've got a fair way to go.

Also, it looks as if we might potentially be showing Brad & Tad after the meeting of Eternity Youth Church on Friday night. There's never been a better reason to come to church, apart from meeting with God and learning about him... which, to be honest is quite a lot more impressive than the film. But Brad & Tad is still good.

A bit more scannage than you can manage

2006-01-02T19:19:00.000-01:00

Here's a (really) bad joke: What make of mobile phone does God have? A Samson, of course!!!!!!!

This joke is an obvious work of flawed genius, unlike Samsung, Samson could never go near a razor or he would lose his amazing God-given strength. Anyway, here's my latest thing that I've drawn and scanned in with my new scanner. Keep it real kids.

Welcome to the year of our Lord two-thousand and six

2006-01-01T01:28:00.000-01:00

Well, here we are in 2006 and what an exciting year it's been. I've already had an anticeptic mouth pastille and engaged in humerous and interesting conversation with both my family and Rob. Not for me these huge parties with alcohol and low-grade explosives; I'm much happier sitting quietly at home with my family. The excitment is killing me. What's more it's grandma's birthday meal tomorrow, which should continue the theme of celebration nicely.

Also, here's another picture I've scanned. It occurs to me that 2006 is a great year to employ a cartoonist...

Solomon: The biblical king with the most bling, innit.

I've been to the Movies

2005-12-30T19:27:00.000-01:00

I saw King Kong with my familly yesterday! It was very good! I heard some critics saying that the dinosaur sequence was too long. It's not. Three hours of The Lord Of The Rings did get a bit much, but three hours of King Kong is fantastically big. Stuff gets smashed and animals eat each other! Hooray!

"That's not very nice; he's just a donkey."

2005-12-28T17:53:00.000-01:00

My unending pursuit of publicity perfection has led to more drawing today. I'm attempting a kind of visual apology (in the technical sense of the word) for Christianity via the use of 'humour'. Anyway, here's the picture and a preliminary version of the caption...

God spoke thru Balam's ass.

What do you think?

Brad & Tad Photos!

2005-12-28T12:06:00.000-01:00

Check out some funky Brad & Tad photos here!

#Graff#

2005-12-28T00:29:00.000-01:00

Whassup ya'll. Hope you bin havin' a blingin' Christmas, innit. I av recently been gettin' busy wit da scanner what my parents set me up wit dis Dec 25th. It's all that! Direct your ayes vertical an' you can check out my latest effort for da CU back@ ma Uni. If you is diggin' da graff stylins check out da Graffiti Creator. Is mint.

Also, Brad and Tad is pretty much in the bag now. The premiere is currently planned for the 2nd of Jan.

And, If you've ever played Half-Life 2, you might find this interesting.

Boxing Day

2005-12-26T23:24:00.000-01:00

It's boxing day, but, so far, I have seen very few boxes. (I'd say about 5 at most.) I'm assuming that their conserving there numbers in preparation for a more widespread attack next year. (Or something.)

In other news, Rob's edited together the completed Go!! Surf With Brad & Tad show. I haven't seen the final edit myself, but he's described it to me in detail. I'm also in it, so I can safely assume that it will be stupendously funny. For more: www.robsters.com

Happy Christmas!

2005-12-24T19:20:00.000-01:00

For to us a child is born, to us a son is given; and the government shall be upon his shoulder, and his name shall be called Wonderful Counselor, Mighty God, Everlasting Father, Prince of Peace.

(Isaiah 9:6)

Let it snow, Let it snow, Let it snow...

2005-12-23T00:14:00.000-01:00

Well, it's certainly very near Christmas now. I can barely contain my excitment! It fact I've spent a large portion of this evening designing snowmen for Christmas cards etc. Here's one I've done. His name is Sam. (I'm not sure why, but there we go. It seemed like a good name for a guy in a flat-cap.)

Brad & Tad

2005-12-22T17:55:00.000-01:00

What activity is better suited for a cold day in late December than a trip to Bournemouth beach? That's what was occupying me on the 20th and 21st of this month, when we were filming Brad & Tad Go Surf, the latest film from Robsters Entertainment Productions. The film is about two surfers and, consequently, we spent a good amount of our time on the beach wearing Hawaiian shirts and shorts. It was very very cold. Luckily, it was fun. Watch Robsters.com for news on the film.

Also, the trip has given me some filmic inspiration. In The Bourne Identity Matt Damon plays a secret agent who's lost his memory. In The Bourne Supermacy Matt damon plays a secret agent who's girlfriend's got shot and who is very unhappy about it.
And now, in The Bourne Mouth Matt Damon plays a secret agent who's had his mouth gaffa-tapped up by evil baddies of some sort. (Either that, or he gets stuck in Bournemouth and can't escape?)

News to Confuse

2005-12-19T00:33:00.000-01:00

Hi! Just thought I'd post an update on what's happening at the moment, as I know The Zone's readership hangs on my every word (or something) and because some vaguely importantish stuff is going down, or has gone down or will be going down in the near future.

Thing Going Down 1
I'm back home in Wokingham now, and have been for a couple of days. It's nice to be somewhere where you can actually drink the water. I'd almost forgotten what it tastes like.

Thing Going Down 2
Brad & Tad will go into production on Tuesday! Myself, Rob and Neil are all going down to Bournemouth in the Neilmobile. Rob's promised to show us the exciting night-life of Bournemouth in between filming. (Note: For 'filming' read: freezing to death on a beach.)

Thing Going Down 3
I shaved a bit. I haven't got any decent photos of my new facial arrangement, so here's a picture of me dressed as Santa instead.

Thing Going Down 4
It's my Dad's birthday today! Recent research shows that he's older than time itself. A bit like Tom Bombadil, but generally less poncy.

Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Badger, Culling! Culling!

2005-12-18T01:35:00.000-01:00

I heard recently on the news that badger culling intended to control TB levels in cattle has not met with the astounding amount of success anticipated. The partial test seem to have shown that the badgers just peg it from culling areas into pastures new, causing new outbreaks to occur in new cows. It seems that the only way that culling will successfully solve the TB problem is through a method of unhindered, total annihilation of the entire species. Perhaps this will be carried out by some sort of robot? Scary...

Happier badgers here.

Carol, Committee

2005-12-14T10:33:00.000-01:00

Isn't blogging amazing? With the power of modern technology I can post my thoughts daily on an information network which spans the entire globe. From there they can be read by literally two people worldwide.

And now, to business. The Christian Union Carol service was, in all respects, mental. We had it in Bangor Cathedral and about 400 people came. This was a vast improvement on last year's service which was held in PJ Hall, with about -4 people in attendence. The 2005 carol service was not only much bigger, it was also bilingual- Welsh and English! Next year we might go for even more languages to try and pull in the 'punters'. Perhaps latin; that's always been popular in a church setting.

We've also been attempting to sort out the nominations for the Christian Union Committee next year. (Insert obvious "committee-commited" pun here.) We've met with a few difficulties and one of the phrases that have been knocked about has been: "We don't live in a perfect world." But what if we did? What if we lived in a world with no problems; a world where rabbits and foxes lived together in loving harmony, where trees were made of chocolate and the other two Matrix films had never been made? What would the CU Exec look like in such a utopia?

With this in mind, I have endevoured to create The Perfect Christian Union Committee - a committee where money is no object and the rules of normal reality can be dispensed with. (Note: We're assunming that all the potential candidates have signed the doctrinal basis, despite their chracteristic affinities for the force or some of the less evangelical asspects of Catholic dotrine.)
For leadership roles I would recommend:

Male President
Emperor Palpatine - Although he pure evil, Emperor Palpatine is a strong leader adept at wielding authority. Having converted to Christianity, he would harness his political aptitude and electricity-generating powers for the cause of the gospel.

Female President
Fraulein Maria - This austrian nun would provide the perfect counter-point to the male president's occasionally evil tendencies. She could also teach the rest of the exec to sing and dress the CU in fetching curtain clothes.

Other candidates for exec postitions might be: Obi Wan Kenobi (he's good), Bach (he's musical), Batman (he's Batman), Mr Blobby (he's yellow and pink).

Will the real exec bare any resemblance to this dream team? Who knows.

Insert Jingely Christmas Noise Here

2005-12-09T17:42:00.000-01:00

Well, it's the 9th of December and Christmas is drawing ever nearer. It's been an exciting week up here in Bangor...

Today I finished my Pentecostalism essay (finally!). It's 1500 words of rubbish, but it's done and that's the main thing. Now I've just got to work on my Dietrich Bonhoeffer essay. I've already written a third of it, so there's no need to worry. Right...?

The Christian Union has been going fairly Christmas mad (a festive alternative to the usual "going fairly mad"). We've got a Carol Service coming up on Monday night. Various incarnations of Father Christmas have been wandering the streets handing out flyers. We also went and afflicted Friddoedd site with our angelic renditions of popular carols in a further attempt to spread Christmas Cheer.

I've also drawn a picture of Father Christmas in his sleigh. (Note how he's frozen all the water so the parasites in it can't poison him. He's not just old and fat, he's clever too.) I've draw some other pictures which have more baring on what Christmas is actually about, but they're all getting used for stuff.

Parasites, Parasites Everywhere!

2005-12-01T21:42:00.000-01:00

Well it's been an exciting couple of weeks here in Wales. A few weeks ago I was slightly jealous as my mate Rob goes to Bournemouth Uni, where they had a massive blackout and had to survive by eating dogs and drinking from puddles (or something). Rob said it was a bit like being in an episode of 24! (But with less guns and terrorists and more shopping trolleys.)

Anyway, now the tables have turned. We in Gwynedd and Anglesey face and even greater threat; a slightly annoying inconvienience the likes of which has never been seen in North Wales. We have been struck with a horror so insidious that the only way to beat it is through viceous and merciless boiling!

I speak, of course, of the hideous water-bound parasitic bug of doom!
Is it a sign of the end times? Is it divine puinishment? Does it cause monsters to burst out of your chest like in Aliens?
No one knows for sure, but one thing is certain: I've been mostly drinking orange juice and hot chocolate (watch out, it's hot!).

This strange looking device is the only weapon we have against the hideous insurgence. It targets the bug's only known weakness: prolonged exposure to boiling water. Few of us know how to use one and they can only be operated by specially trained technicians.

The Hills Are Alive... Quick, beat them off with heavy artillary before they crush the town!

2005-11-28T19:24:00.000-01:00

I watched the Sound Of Music for the first time yesterday. I was slightly perplexed when they got married and the film just kept on going, but overall it was pretty good.
I think the film's enduring popularity is largely due to the fact that it is full of time-honoured truths that still apply some decades after its release. It emphasizes the importance of seeking God's will, presents good family values and alerts us to the very real dangers of staring into someone's eyes for too long. (As a Christian, I - and many of my peers - believe that eye-staring should only be undertaken within the confines of marriage and that careless and wanton eye-contact is the cause of many of the problems we face as a society today.) It also has a lot of mountains in, Nazis, nuns and clothes made of curtains. All it really lacks is a couple of explosions and a Death Star. When are they going to digitally remaster it...?

Miscelaneous Reflections (or Why Our House Is Crap)

2005-11-25T14:40:00.000-01:00

I bring you good news of great joy that will be for all men(!) it turns out that our student house (pictured right) is habitable after all. A bonus surveying bloke came from the Council to examine the marvel of papier-mâché technology that is 18 James Street on Tuesday morning. Disappointingly, he was much less enthusiastic about the dire state of disrepare that the "house" has fallen into than the previous bloke. Apparently, installing false walls to disguise the presence of damp is a perfectly acceptable way of dealing with it! Anyway, he said he'd write a letter to our (evil) landlord to encourage him to sort out the damp.

In a way it's nice to kow that our house is the worst possible. We are safe-guarded from any worse situation and we still enjoy many comforts that most of the world have to go without.

In Other News:

Rob has added a Brad & Tad update to www.robsters.com. Check it out!
Rich has updated his blog for the first time since the telephone was invented.
On 11th of November it's our church's Christmas celebration, at which my Cell group will be performing something I wrote called Star Search. The excitement!

c u @ CU

2005-11-17T13:23:00.000-01:00

This week has been a pretty cool week for the Christian Union!

We had our houseparty on the weekend (pictured right). We were in Shropshire and some missionary-types came and blew our minds with their talking. Which was nice (and made us all think about what we're going to do with our lives).
Some of us also played some extensive Mau - an insanity inducing card game whose rules shall remain forever shrouded in mystery.

We also had our quiz night this week and loads of people came! Hurrah! It was good to see so many people there. Our team failed to win, but we knew we were the best anyway; so why rely on outward affirmation to confirm it?

Also, a lot of people noticed that the design I did for the CU freshers' week flyer looks a lot like a bomb instead of a fish. Consequently the student rag is running a story on it. I'm glad that's the only mistake they noticed!

And our house apparently (according to this random surveyer we had round) doesn't meet government standards for human habitation. Excellent!

I'm Ill! (This post is gross. You won't want to know this. Don't read it.)

2005-11-09T23:16:00.000-01:00

Lots of exciting and interesting things have happened to me recently, but I can't tell you about them now as my tea looked the same at both ends of the track! Hey, you chose to read this.

Normal service will resume when my normal services resume.

Progress On The Ark

2005-11-05T15:44:00.000-01:00

Hi world. It's been another few days of rain here in Bangor. Don't worry, though. The Ark II is nearly finished; we're just laying the TV cable.

A picture, a blog and an utopian society

2005-11-02T19:03:00.000-01:00

Here's a brief post which includes a picture I drew for CU publicity, the news that Hwee-Chong's blog is now linked on the side bar, and the shocking revelation that our quest to create an utopian society in our student domicile, 18 James Street, by abolishing all household chores has met unexpected failure. Respect to Steve, who reminded us all that porcelain is white. Our toilets now shine forth like the noonday sun.

Early Church Father Of The Month: Tertullian!

2005-10-31T17:31:00.000-01:00

The week just past has seen me delve into the mysterious and exciting world of The Patristic Period (which some people like to think runs from AD100 to 451). This was a formative time in the history of the church when it was often persecuted and quite frequently had arguments about the nature of the Godhead.

Out of this dark and dangerous time arose several particularly gifted thinky people: People whose apptitude for sorting out theology and squooshing heresey like a small wet slug, while simutaneously apologising for stuff (i.e. explaining to the general public that rumours that Christians ate people and ran incestuous orgies - misconceptions which still blight the church today - were completely false) was such that the effects of their contemplatory ramblings have been felt down the centuries - even to our own day. These great thinkers have now been dubbed the Church Fathers because they helped formulate the basic beliefs of Christian doctrine from what they learned hearing about Jesus (and sometimes reading Plato).

Tertullian (c.160-c.225)
Tertullian is generally seen as a petty cool guy (and the father of Latin theology). He was born in Carthage in north Africa and became a lawer. He also became a Christian, which was pretty bad news for anyone who didn't like Christians. Tertullian didn't so much argue against people, as try to dismember his opponent through verbal assault. He argued with passion and tended to use both scathing sarcasm and humour to highlight his point or endear himself to the reader.

Tertullian was also one of the first people to emphasize that the scriptures were enough to know God. He thought philosophy was a bit pants and often pointed out its various pants elements to his peers in writing. He believed that people should have their feet on the ground and their head in the Old Testament (the New one was only just being published). He also emphasized that noone could every really understand everything by thinking about it, saying, "I believe because it is outrageous." Christian beliefs: so strange they have to be true.

Tertullian eventually joined the Montanist movement, which was at least a bit whacky and at most heretical. But, even so, he still remained highly respected as a theological bigwig.

Tertullian on the persecution of the church:
"If the Tiber rises to the city walls or the Nile does not rise to the fields, if the heavens stay still or the earth moves, the cry is at once: 'The Christians to the lion'. What! So many of them to one lion?"

Tertullian on Christians:
"We have everything in common except our wives."

Watch This Space

2005-10-24T19:51:00.000-01:00

Hello! Every so often an old good website is updated to become a new better website: www.eternity.org.uk;
and at other times completely new websites appear which are pretty cool: www.eternitybullbrook.org.uk/.
That's why websites will occasionally advise you to watch this space...

The Continuing Adventures of Rabbit

2005-10-20T17:56:00.000-01:00

As (kind of) promised the adventures of Rabbit continue in ernest. He's now sitting is cold environment (please not the cool reflection effects), but seems fairly happy. What crazy events will befall him next?!?!

Brad & Tad

2005-10-17T20:31:00.000-01:00

A bit more Brad & Tad stuff and photos have just appeared at Robsters.com!!!

To Be(ard) Or Not To Be(ard)? That Is The Question.

2005-10-15T15:03:00.000-01:00

Many of you will know (and a similar number of you won't know) that I have often been involved in making films with my mate Rob, who makes films. The last one we did was Rolf & Bruce 3. Which was, by all accounts, the single greatest piece of motion picture work ever produced in the history of the known universe.

The next film from Robsters Entertainment Productions will be Brad & Tad, which involves surfing. For more info you can check out Robsters.com.

Anyway, for this film Rob wants me to shave my beard off so I look less like Rolf from Rolf & Bruce and more like either Brad or Tad from Brad and Tad (I don't know which is which yet)! This is a scary prospect - not least because you'll be able to see a lot more of my face. I'm also quite attached to it (literally). I've pretty much said I'll do it, but I wonder if I'll be able to go through with it when the time comes. I'm toying with the idea of keeping a goatee. Still, it's show down time on the week begining the 18th.

Our house, in the middle of... a car park

2005-10-13T18:10:00.000-01:00

Like a cross between Big Brother and Spaced, our house is a haven for unpopular misfits...
We told them to leave, and now we live there.
There follow some Zone-exclusive photos of what has been termed by some 'the most amazing social experiment ever divised', and by others 'a house where some students live'. Throughout the year, we'll watch as the house's new inhabitants attempt to create a coherent domestic routine, beat the damp and subsist entirely on pasta and sausages.

Dave (left) and Steve (right) both live in the house. So does Georgina. They read History. (The trick is to sound out the letters.)

Our back garden, home to a small neanderthal named Stig.

A scene from the well known film Mrs Doubtfire.

Unfazed by his complete inability to spell, Mark continues in his vain attempts to be funny and misquotes Star Trek.

Rabbit

2005-10-07T17:15:00.000-01:00

Well, I'm back - posting again, like someone who just doesn't know when to stop even when they really should.

I was going to post some pictures of my house today, but I haven't really taken any good ones yet. Instead, here's a picture of a rabbit (I did it on Inkscape)...Who knows, maybe he'll star in a short series of cartoons detailing his daily exploits and adventures. Then again...

Also, I'm just going to whack a snail on my other blog...

What a useless blog. Does this guy ever bother posting or what?!!?!

2005-10-05T09:46:00.000-01:00

You may very well state that... and then ask that. But the likelihood is that you don't really care that much.

Anyway, Freshers' Week is now officially over. This year saw a massive influx of new students attending Bangor's, now prestigious, Christian Union. This, the interested observer might remark, is pretty cool. (It also means at least some of us stand a chance of getting off exec duty next year!)

I've also started my 2nd year modules now. Disappointingly, it looks as if they want us to do some actual work. Yesterday, I had 7 hours of lectures and an hour's break for lunch. That's like what a real person might have! And I'm not even getting paid! Still, at least my degree in Theology will garuntee me a high-flying career in the future.

An artist's impression of me doing some work. Actually documentation of this occurence was unavailable.

Next time: Pictures of my house. Assuming it's still standing when I get home.

It's Freshers' Week

2005-09-26T07:59:00.000-01:00

It's Freshers' week here in Bangor! That means that this weekend the very finest young minds from around the world were shipped in to our esteemed campuses. It also means that the Christian Union here has been well busy.

We are running approximately a billion-zillion-catrillion events this week for the fresh-faced newbies. Our hope is that there will be tons of new people wanting to come to the CU and hang out with God etc. Our other hope is that at least some of the Freshers' Week team will survive the week and go on to live full and happy lives with the help of professional counselling.

Luckily for me, I'm responsible for publicity, which has all pretty much finished now! Just the other day, I photocopied £69.24 worth of A4 flyers. That's about 2200 (which will probably equate to a lot of full waste-paper bins). And there are only about four typos on each.

Now commenses the real fun as, over the next week, we witness the true similarities between man and headless chicken.

The Campaign for the Recognition of the Virgin Joseph

2005-09-19T14:45:00.000-01:00

The very nature of my degree course promotes the questioning and criticism of the most profound and central ideas of accepted Christian thought. Does 3 really equal 1? Was Nehemiah really the shortest man in the Bible? Are Australian emergency services the true incarnation of the beast? How many fish would a disciple fish, if a disciple could fish fish? Were Paul's tents fire retardant?

As a Theology student, I must face tough and potentially faith-breaking questions like these on a daily basis. But one issue in particular has grabbed my attention in the last few days: Why the virgin Mary?

Anyone who has attended church for any length of time, or people who really like the nativity, will be aware that Jesus' mother, Mary, is almost always referred to as "the virgin, Mary" - in reference to the fact that she didn't have sex before Jesus was born. However, this title is repeatedly used despite the fact that Mary went on to have several other children (by slightly-less-than-immaculate conception) after Jesus (eg, Luke 8:19) and is clearly not a virgin anymore.

Futhermore- what about Joseph? Let's not forget, it takes two to be a virgin in a marriage situation. So why do we never hear anything about the virgin Joseph?

Whatever the reason, Jesus was born and guess that's the main thing, really.

Mary and Joseph; clearly ecstatic at the birth of the saviour of the world.

Uni (may contain nuts)

2005-09-15T12:42:00.000-01:00

Well, here I am, in a completely different country. I've been in Bangor (forever plagued by its association with mashed potatoe) for a few days now - and what a few days they've been!

I've moved into my new house, and it's not as small as all that. It is, however, a little bit manky. It looks like someone got halfway through installing some new kitchen surfaces in the utility extension and then got board and wandered off. We found a slug on our kitchen floor last night (and they said we're not even alowed pets!), and I'm deeply concerned about a yellowish stain on my dilapidated matress. Also, it seems that our vaccume cleaner has been in the back garden all summer cultivating a unique habitat.

On the bright side, the mummy spider that lives in our shower has given birth to a healthy batch of little baby spiders. However, as any avid Wildlife On One viewer will know, it can be very hard for infant creatures to survive the harsh realities of their natural environment, to go on to mature to adulthood. For instance, one of the older spiders has already fallen foul of a well-aimed shower-head, which promted a quick trip down the plug-hole.

Apart from exterminating spiders, I've had a chance to catch up with various people. Our house is almost full now (3/4)! (Though, Georgina will undoubtably kill us when she sees which room we've left her.) More soon! (Well, maybe not that soon.)

Comments, Cars, Misc.

2005-09-10T12:58:00.000-01:00

Wow! There have been four whole comments posted on The Zone this month! Four!!
I'm getting a warm fuzzy feeling inside...
What should you do with fur-balls?

I watched 12hrs worth of 24 series 4 with my mate Rob on Thursday/Friday. I did'nt make it to the end, unfortuately. I had to go to bed while Rob was still up for more CTU action. (That was at about 7am on Friday.)

Meanwhile, my wheel-bound reign of terror continues. I drove over to the Warfield Church offices the other day. Once there, I proceeded to waste both space and biscuits - very reminicsent of my gap-year, in fact.

I also had to say good-bye to people at Eternity as I'm off to Bangor tomorrow! Here's a scale drawing of my new house compared with the height of the average British male.

Full House!

2005-09-08T19:55:00.000-01:00

It has recently been drawn to my attention that I have been spelling licence wrong. This is due to the unique way that The Zone is funded. Not really. It's because I can't spell and only bother to check words that look wrong to me. Rast assurd, tho. Frome noo one, their wull bee know moor speling!

Also, I'm going back to Bangor on Sunday. This will mean that The Zone will probably be updated a bit less regularly as I'll have to walk to find the internet in the vast and cavernous halls of the great University.

I'll be living in a rented house with three other 'people'. This will be very exciting! I'm hoping to cut down on electricity bills by hooking our wiring up to a sheep in a giant wheel. We'll also be cooking for ourselves and finding out, really for the first time, whether any of our housemates have cannibalistic tendencies.
I'm slightly concerned about the size of the house. It's a bit like the Tardis, but with the equipment-that-makes-it-bigger-on-the-inside taken out. It also doesn't travel through time and space anywhere near as effectively.

Artist's impression of our first night in 18 James Street. (Apparently they still haven't cleared the fish out.)

Hoo and, indeed, ray!

2005-09-07T21:10:00.000-01:00

I've passed a lot of things in my time - food, drink, A-levels, gas. But, today I passed something new!

That's right; I'm now a government-endorsed vehicular-road-travel maniac. In a car! It took me 5 attempts to pass (much like a massive chunk of cheese), but I've finally done it. Like so many things in life it's all about getting scared the hell out of and then eventually winning through!

Five isn't really a biblical number (like 7 or 12 or 24,000), but it's good enough for me (and better than 666 - even discounting the demonic conotations)! Open road here I come! In a car!

My car doesn't look like this!!!! (In fact, I don't have one! Hooray!)

My Vth Death Star Test

2005-09-06T23:42:00.000-01:00

Well, I haven't blogged for some time. But fear not! Reports of my death were greatly exagerrated. (Mostly by me. It makes things more interesting.) In fact I'm quite well.

On with the important stuff.

Tomorrow it's my fifth driving test (I think. I kind of lost count). Anyway, most people think that the Vth Star Wars was the best, which boads well. Hopefully, my Provisional Liscense will soon be blown asunder in a manner similar to that of the Death Star (okay, I know that happened in IV, not V), to be replaced with the far superior Death Star II that is a PROPER LISCENSE. (Okay, that was episode VI, but I don't think it matters too much.)
Incidentally, how do you execute a three-point turn in a Death Star? Does it have blind spots? And do I have to check them before obliterating a Rebel stronghold? (The insurance must be astronomical. (ha ha))

The Death Star was orginally designed to shower planets with cute, cuddly bunnies; and flowers. However, the name led to misguided expectations from potential buyers and its manufacturer was forced (at gun-point) to redesign the original plans. Thus, the laser spewing, planet smashing monstrosity we all know and love was born.
Order yours today!

Where to get the best whistles in the entire known universe ever!

2005-09-01T23:13:00.000-01:00

This post serves no real purpose, other than to apprise you concerning my impending trip to Yorkshire. I'm going there for the weekend with my family to see my Aunt and Uncle.

Yorkshire is well known for it's many important exports which do much to boost the British economy (probably). Anyway, why not by whistles from my Uncle? (No, that's not a good enough reason.) You can check out Silkstone Whistles here. They are very well made!

Anyway, I'm off! I'm kind of assuming my last post is long enough for the whole weekend anyway. Read it.

Good bye!

One very good whistle.

The Astoundingly Amazing Adventures Of Lord Jeffery Hemmingway and young Bill Young

2005-09-01T01:56:00.000-01:00

I'd like to apologise in advance for this one. I know it's probably been done before.

Lord Jeffery Hemmingway was the last of a dying breed. He was the last great explorer. His adventures were known throughout the world. The population held it's breath in anticipation of his latest great discovery.
Lord Hemmingway had been a popular personality in the media for sometime. His dangerous exploits were the subject of numerous television programmes and over forty books. But he really won notoriety throughout the world when, in late 2005, he claimed to have found several new continents. Predictably, this was initially the source of much amusement. However, Hemmingway became ever more adamant, and eventually definitive proof was produced. Maps and little globes were edited; and Aquariana, Bristonia and Gladys were officially recognised as continents.
Lord Jeffery was awarded several prestigious awards and made several prestigious speeches. His popularity soared and the press continued to marvel as he explored the new continents, and climbed the actual highest mountain in the world. (In a moving broadcast from the top of the mountain, Hemmingway officially named it Mount "Snowdon-the-Second-Take-that Everest-pass-me-another-bottle".)

In February 2020, having returned from a long series of adventures, Hemmingway chose his protégé, young Bill Young. He then set off with young Bill into the Peruvian rainforest, determined to test young Young's survival skills to the limit. They journeyed for the entire first day until nightfall.
When the stopped to make camp, Hemmingway was, at first, very impressed with young Bill Young's proficiency. The tent went up fine and fast. His mood changed, however, when he inspected Bill's luggage more closely.
"What in Gladys' name is the meaning of this!?" he inquired, prodding the offending object.
Bill looked shocked. "Umm... Well, it's just Henry. I use him to clean up."
"What!?"
"Well, I can't stand all the dirt. It just doesn't agree with me. It aggravates my allergies. I really don't see the problem."
"Hmmmph. No good will come of this; I can assure you. You better leave that thing outside. And not near the tent either. Go on!"
So Bill left Henry outside for the night.

The next morning, they both awoke with the dawn. The bright sunlight pierced through the treetops and was lost in a maze of foliage and monkey poo.
Bill was first out of the tent. Standing up, he looked around at the new day, and was shocked when his eyes fell on Henry. The device lay crumpled against a tree. Its piping looked as if it had been slashed by claws, while its happy red casing lay smashed to bits by a fallen branch. It also seemed to have been soiled by a monkey, and a snake was slithering away with a wheel in its mouth. Forlorn, Bill fell to his knees, overcome by the scene of destruction. Hemmingway wondered up behind.
"I warned you." he said, "If there's one thing I've learned in over fifty years of exploring, it's that nature abhors a vaccum."
"Oh well." said Bill, standing, "It's probably for the best. There's nowhere to plug it in anyway."

THE END
(I'm so sorry.)

"If you strike me down, I will become more powerful than you can possibly imagine."

12000 people, skin care and no post-modernity, please

2005-08-31T13:06:00.000-01:00

Gripe: As a rule, I hate adverts. There are some that have redeeming qualities, but I think most of them are pants.

Recently there's been a run of adverts for oil of olay products where the opening line is something like "twelve-thousand people can't be wrong". This is obviously not true.

At the Soul Survivor camps this year there were approximately (8000 + 4500 + 10000) 225000 people in attendance. Most of their core beliefs would be seen as fairly odd by the general population. Meanwhile, Christians generally think that a lot of what is seen as good by a large segment of today's society is actually bad (eg. getting drunk and sex before marriage etc).

The opposing beliefs of two groups can't both be right so one group must be wrong. Clearly 12000 people can be wrong, and, logically, a much greater number than this must be, given the wide diversity of worldviews seen across the face of the planet.

Still, if you care enough about skin care products to vote in a poll, you may well know what you're talking about.

Aging: Like a long, slow punch in the face.
(That's 2 Matrix references in as many posts. I've got to stop!)

Real People

2005-08-30T11:10:00.000-01:00

I don't often do characatures. Partly because I can't spell it, but also because they often take ages. It's hard to know where to draw the line between cartoonarized and accurate features to create the right effect. There are occassions when I do draw real people. Anyway, here are some electrical signals for your brain to interpret.

Here's one I did for Gaby and Sean's wedding. Sean was much easier to do as God published him in PCA (Practically Cartoon Already) format, which makes my job much easier. (Incidentally, I checked out the wedding photos on the net the other day. It's lucky they do them. I'd completely forgotten that that the translucent copyrighth sign was even invited.)

Here's some digital Forrest twins. I did these for their birthday cards. There were relatively easy, as the computerised style alowed for some simplicity. Also, Henry and Amy both have a fairly well defined style and dress sense, making visual keys easier to find.

I haven't put any photos up in case I get complaints. Just take it as red that they look pretty much like them!

The Zone Educational Suppliment

2005-08-27T01:39:00.000-01:00

I feel that The Zone has perhaps not been the source of educational enlightenment that it should be. This is a problem that I shall endeavour to rectify. My first extra-curricular fact is as follows...

Do Not Confuse Your Liners!
This is a cruise liner. Use this to go on expensive holidays.
This is a fine liner. Attemps to use it as holiday transportation will end in disappointment and, possibly, death. Hence the much cheaper price.

Resources

2005-08-26T18:45:00.000-01:00

Woo-hoo! I've got some amazing stuff to help me in my quest for riches and world-wide acclaim! They said I was mad! But I'll show them!! I'll show them all!!!! Mwwaah-hahahahah!!!!!!!!!!

Still, both books are good. The Gruffalo, in particular, seems to be aimed directly at my age group. It also has an exciting twist! Hurrah!

"Look. If somebody doesn't tell me what's going on right now, I'm going straight to Chappelle."

2005-08-26T01:35:00.000-01:00

We all love 24. Well, most people. To be honest, once you've watched 18 hours of a TV show you either love it or you don't know how to work the DVD player. I watched it mostly on my laptop, with minimal difficulty.

Anyway, my long standing favourite character has to be Tony Almeida. He can generally be relied upon to be a little bit more sane than Jack Bauer and, crucially, gets more screen time than the series 3 Baby. I just watched season three of 24 and, yet again, Tony stole the show (I hope I can get it back as I'm just borrowing it off Rob). Anyway - skip to the end - I found this website. Although I don't totally agree with this sentiment, I'm impressed that someone would take Almeida appreciation this far with a pinch of salt.

How2... Run a Cafe Venue at Soul Survivor

2005-08-25T18:12:00.000-01:00

My wisdom teeth have pretty much finished coming through now. Consequently, I feel burdened to pass on my superior knowledge to those less fortunate than myself... I also have some ego going spare.

Anyway, here are my top tips for running a Soul Survior Festival venue. (We did Dreggs this year, but I'm guessing there's quite a bit of carry-over between venues.)

Turn them down. - When Soul Survivor ask you to run a venue, produce some sort of excuse. Running a venue can be quite a lot of work; and you don't get paid! Why bother? Some good example excuses might be: "I have bougth five yoke of oxen, and I am going to try them out." or "I have married a wife, and for that reason I cannot come." What are they going to do - get a load of people off the streets?!?!
Steal carpet. - You may decide you want to run the venue after all. (You do get free food.) In this case you will need to steal some carpet (this is not a joke). It's best to get in quick before the good stuff goes. Check behind buildings and in skips. You may need to asign one member of your staff to 'helpfully' divert other venue teams away from your discoveries. And don't forget to look out for other useful items that have been abandoned on site, eg. car stereos can be exchanged for money.
Put some internal decoration in there!- This way your venue will look more like a venue, and less like a marquee that someone happens to have left some catering equipment in. (Picture: Trev's life size rendition of the Super Mario Brothers was only a small element of the Dreggs décor.) You might also want to use your products to build architectural wonders on the cafe counter. Not only does this look great, but it also wastes a lot of time when you could be doing proper work!
Play bad music. - If you are running Dreggs, at least, it is imperative that you play at least some really bad music. If you want to keep you clientele, you should play more hiphop and less rock. Daniel Bedingfield proved popular-ish, while Usher's 'U-Turn' was this years most requested song. (It was requested once.) Green Day cleared the room and Delirious? were not well recieved.
Eat plenty of carbohydrate and fibre. - That way you'll be able to turn up to work regularly. Camping can and will take it's toll. Be prepared.
Strike the balance between Martha and Mary. - Often shifts of work take place just after a main meeting. Your shift might start whilst the worship is still a long way from finishing. To work out what you should do check out Luke 10:38-42, and then quote it to your staff when you turn up late.

If you follow these guidelines you should be well prepared to run a good venue. My final tip is to dress the same. Sharp clothes mean a sharp work force...

Catch Phrase!

2005-08-24T06:26:00.000-01:00

At Dreggs, the other week, we ran a lot of astounding and ground-breaking (not to mention health-and-safey-guideline breaking) game shows to keep the punters entertained of an evening. One of the games was Catchphrase, for which I drew some pictures. It almost bought a tear to my eye to see my drawings projected to a size of about 3 by 4m - and in front of a massive crowd! Trev also did some pictures. They were pretty good too.

Can you guess what this saying might be? Answers on a postcard... (I mean comment, but that doesn't really have the same ring.)

Love, Lost Cats and the Absence of Delirious? at Parties

2005-08-22T12:05:00.000-01:00

Well, I haven't posted for a while, but this rainy Monday morning is the time.

I went to the wedding of Gaby and Sean on Saturday. I can't say that the day's festivities came off without a hitch, but, given that it was a wedding, that would have pretty much defeated the object. Sean and Gabs are now Mr & Mrs (in that order) Doherty. Which is very good indeed!!!!

I spent quite a bit of yesterday looking for my mate Rob's cat, Tommy, who went missing on the 19th. We put flyers through a load of letter boxes on Rob's estate and the nearby area. I feel that this was definitely what Jack Bauer would do if he ever lost a cat.
Tommy has now be found (less than 24 hours later- making us actually better than Jack Bauer) by a family who seem to have gone away and come back while the adventurous cat was stuck inside their garage. He is thinner, but OK!

Also, last week, I was at Momentum and before that I was at Soul Survivor. It was very good, but once you've jumped about in an enormous tent with 8.5 thousand Christians, normal church or parties seem to lack a certain something.

This 'certain something' could perhaps be any one of the following: the power of the Holy Spirit, Delirious?, a really big tent, 8500 people. I've certainly been to many parties where one or even more of these elements have not been present. Many people try to cover this by bringing alcohol, but this seems to draw attention to (for instance) the abscence of Delirious?, rather than combatting the root cause of the problem.

Anyway, I certainly enjoyed being away and I even got to see some people from High Wycombe, where I was born. Exciting stuff.

Witness Simon and our extraordinary Tower Of Cups in Dreggs Cafe. (We ran a tight ship...)

I'm Back!!!!!!!!

2005-08-19T23:11:00.000-01:00

I'm back! It was good. More later. good night.

I'm Off! (take me out of the fridge. ha ha.)

2005-08-08T22:36:00.000-01:00

I probably won't be blogging for a while as I'm going away to the Soul Survivor festival for a couple of weeks! Soul Survivor is a pretty humongous Christian festival that takes place over a couple of weeks of summer each year.

During the first week, I'll be helping out in Dreggs Cafe - the most happening venue on sight. Dreggs is being run mostly by Eternity Youth Church people (again) so there will be a bizzare mixture of exciting and disgusting games!

The second week is Momentum, which is for students and young adults. I won't be doing anything much that week.

Anyway, here's a picture... Byyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeetc.

AMAZING NEW OFFER! Hurry while stocks lasts!!

2005-08-08T17:37:00.000-01:00

Do you have a cat or other pet?
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"When your pet's frozen,
get Pet Cosys by the dozen!"

British Idiosyncracy and a Shiny New Picture

2005-08-06T00:12:00.000-01:00

There's been previous discussion on this blog about differences between the British and American dialects and customs. In early July, it was bought to my attention that the Teenage Mutant Hero Turtles cartoon (as it is called in the UK, by order of the Queen herself) was known as Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles in the USA.

Now I've discovered, from a reliable source, that the everyday words 'blag' and 'doss' are not used in America! This may seem incomprehensible and shocking to many, as these words form the very core of British culture and values. Without them our society would barely function, being left to flounder in a sea of pointless chores and things that we honestly can't be bothered to do! The country as we know it would collapse into an endless cycle of good work and high achievement. Noone would ever have fun. These two simple words are the only thing that protect us from the ravages of a good work ethic. So, let us defend our right, our human right, to do a bodge-job and be lazy!

Also, while we're almost on the subject of ninjas, here's a joke I made up today:
Q: What do you get if you cross a ninja with a tin of baked beans?

A: A martial farts expert!!!!!

And, for good measure, here's my latest Inkscape picture...

Homework: Is British culture and oxymoron? Discuss.

Something Fishy

2005-08-04T19:24:00.000-01:00

Here's a picture I did of a fish (background picture not mine). My Dad downloaded a drawing package called Inkscape from their web site. I've been fiddling with it.

This is the first pseudo-3D picture I've done on PC. It was a bit of a practice, based on a fish I saw on one of their gallery web pages. Still, I'm pretty pleased. Click on the picture to get it bigger.

Our Cat - She's soooooo cute! (Apologies to those who don't like cats.)

2005-08-03T14:22:00.000-01:00

I've noticed that the last 3 posts have had pictures of me in. I've decided to put an end to this egotism! So here's a picture of our cat.

Aaawwwwhhh! She's so cute!

She's called Fluff. One of her major interests is the tracking and capturing of moths. She will hold the moths in not-so-protective custody for a number of hours before releasing them back into their natural environment. Unfortunately, by this stage the moths are usually less well adapted to their habitat, being squishier and browner than previously.
Fluff also enjoys drinking from the toilet and running around like a maniac. She's been living in our house for a year and a day.

The Zone RevU: Always Topical, Sometimes Tropical

2005-08-03T00:08:00.000-01:00

Rolf & Bruce 3, At London Zoo

Rolf & Bruce 3 opened in Rob's living-room on the 31st of July 2005 to a (pretty much) sell-out audience. The release of the "Australian" duo's third outing has been widly anticipated after the astronomic success of Rolf & Bruce 1 and 2.

Both previous adventures had a running time of 43mins, but R&B3 sets an new record at an astounding 1 full hour of RolfandBruceage. This is the longest film ever to be made Robsters Productions Entertainment, but, suprisingly, it seemed to be much freer of dragging moments than the previous installments of the trilogy. The plot runs steadily from the initial introduction and explanation of Bruce and Rolf's predicament, through their trip to London Zoo, to the eventual conclusion. Progression is not fast, but leisurely -which is no bad thing.

The humour is slightly less outrageous than the other R&B films, contrasting particularly with Rolf & Bruce 2. Instead, the comedy comes in the form of gently nudging character pieces. The main source of conflict between the two companions is Rolf's constant attempts to flog his new book. This is countered by Bruce's rubuttals of the cleary useless infromation contained therein. There are also several in-jokes, and Cousin Dwayne returns. There is also another special guest.

This is probably the best executed Rolf and Bruce film, and London Zoo provides an exciting back-drop, with plenty of wildlife to keep the two occupied (and arguing about).

All in all, a good run from Robsters Entertainment. Sit back relax and enjoy the animals.

Photograph courtesy of Robsters.com

Rolf & Bruce 3 is almost here!

2005-07-31T11:40:00.000-01:00

Hi there, amateur video fans! (And people who aren't.) Today's the premiere of The Adventures Of Rolf & Bruce 3 London Zoo! The third R&B film is a bit of a departure from what has gone before, as Rolf, Bruce and Cameraman Rob actually go somewhere interesting this time!

For more info, check out rolfandbruce.robsters.com! Also, watch out for the world exclusive review right here, soon!

If you can't whisk them, join them!

2005-07-30T22:11:00.000-01:00

When I was quite a bit younger than I am now, I went to see a Doctor Who exhibition with my parents. Problematically, I got stuck at the door, unable to enter the exhibition. Why? Because there was a Dalek standing there.

I eventually got passed it, but I think there may well be a deep-seated fear of the Dalek form lodged deep within the human psyche.

Anyway, fuelled by my recent reception of a rejection letter, I decided I needed something to occupy my time with. I went along to the Dalek recruitment fair, which has been visiting Wokingham this week. I had some initial reservations about the compatibility of the Dalek lifestyle with my Christian worldview, but the kindly representative talked with me for a bit and allayed my fears.

There follows an extract from my Dalek Diary.

Day 1

Well, what a busy first day it's been! The Dalek mothership collected me from my house around 9:00am, and I was familiarised with my new equipment immediately. Still suffering from slight claustraphobia, I then made my way to basic training, where I learned how to annunciate the word "Exterminate" correctly. After that I was ready to begin my duties.

My first assignment was to an elderly lady in Slough. She was trying to bake a cake, but had been having difficulty as her electric mixer had apparently short-circuited that morning. Luckily, I was able to make short-work of the mixing duties with my handy whisk attachment. As I whisked away, Mrs Feltz explained to me that a cyberman had visited earlier that day, but had made a "complete hash of it," accidentally spilling the mixture on her cat. "Bl**dy cybermen!" she added, under her breath.

Next, I headed over to a school in Reading. Once there, I was quickly able to resolve a problem with some blocked water pipes. The headteacher and children thanked me profusely and said that I was welcome to return anytime. After this, there was just a minor pest-control problem in a family home in Swansey, and I was off again.

My last job of the day complete, I headed back to the mothership to punch out. On the way I had a minor collision with a Public Call box, but was able to exchange insurance details with the owner swiftly, with minimum hastle.

After work I went out for a social at the pub with the other Daleks. I just had a glass of orange, but the rest of the guys were just drinking themselves to oblivion. They're complete alcoholics! It's no wonder they're always legless.

Browser Trouble

2005-07-30T20:59:00.000-01:00

Apparently one of my posts causes my blog to look funny on certain browsers. It shouldn't now.

Running the vastly superior (to Explorer) Mozilla Firefox, I was unaware of the fault.

Taking Rejection

2005-07-30T00:15:00.000-01:00

I just recieved my first proper rejection letter! This is a truely momentous occasion, as it means someone dislikes my work enough to want to write to me about it!

I've been sending pictures to various UK-based Christian publishers in the hope that they'll line my pockets with legal tender (or just tenners). So far, not so good. I got one email back from CPO, which was very complimentary. Therefore, I recommend their products to the discerning buyer. However, they left me still dis-earning.

My latest communication (pictured below) comes from Lion Hudson. It was very nice and gave me helpful advice. Whoopee! I also now have some Lion Hudson letter-headed paper, which I won't use for nefarious purposes.

I also got a five pound book voucher in the post today! (Thanks Gaby!)

"Thank you for sending us your illustration samples..."- Like salt in the wound.

(not really) (Also, it was signed (presumably by a real living, breathing person), which is pretty cool. Robots will never be able to compose symphonies, appreciate art, or sign letters in a way which makes you feel that someone cares.)

Not the 9 O'Clock News (its 8:25ish, and, besides, the news is at ten these days)

2005-07-28T20:25:00.000-01:00

I've got so much News it'll be Olds by the time you've finished reading it!

First off, I've started a new blog. I realise that this may seem stupid as I obviously don't have enough intelligent or ineresting material to fill The Zone; let alone to start messing around with multiple bloggerations, but - I can assure you - I've done it anyway.
The new blog is called, pretty descriptively, Mark's Toons. As you've probably guessed, I'll be whacking a load of my cartoons on it from time to time. At the moment it's just got a picture of a rabbit on (which I did some time ago and forgot about). Why not go and have a look? Or at least look interested?

Also, I feel duty-bound to report to you the continued militant action of grey squirrels on British soil. Not only are they completely 'whooping' the cute little red squirrels, they have now turned to forest destruction to entertain themselves, as this BBC report explains. It is currently still not known precisely why the squirrels have taken to tearing bark off trees with their teeth and claws. Surely proper logging equipment would be more effective?
Still, one thing is clear, when they've finished with the Gloucestershire woodland, the greys will undoubtably turn their attention to us. And it's unlikely they'll want to be friends...
It's little wonder you don't see many ents around these days.

A grey squirrel takes a break from his forest destruction. Behind him, his Barko 225 stands dormant but ominous.

Shameless Plug

2005-07-26T19:05:00.000-01:00

Whoa! I've just finished some more cartoons! CrAzY!

This one shows a guy with some bread (which I've called Bovis). He does a little jump! Why does he do this? You will only find out after ths year's Soul Survivor camp, or earlier if you go to it.

Are you a millionaire? Do you run a multi-billion pound Christian publishing company?

This could be your chance to own or commision some of the best cartoons ever in history, for a mear £1000000000000000000000000000000000000000
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Don't delay! Get cartooned today!

http://markszone.blogspot.com - For all your cartoon needs.

A Post From The Twilight Zone (Where the tennis is mental)

2005-07-26T04:52:00.000-01:00

I can't sleep. Probably because I've been sat in the living-room drawing and watching Spaced since 23:00.

There comes a certain stage at night when the internal monologue of your mind takes on a new and surreal twist. It's almost like playing tennis with a frog - instead of a tennis ball, that is. (The alternative being trying to play a game of tennis with the frog as your opponent, which would clearly be stupid. (Doubly so if you were attempting doubles.))

Anyway, the direction (or bounce) of your thoughts becomes less predictable, like a tennis ball, and more randomised, like a frog. Your mind becomes less like a computer, busily calculating numerical answers to the vast sums of life, and more like a blender with the lid off. Random thoughts are strewn across the immediate surroundings, causing people to slip and necessitating the use of little yellow signs.

The mental tennis match is generally played alone (except under exceptional circumstances). Like a practising Henman, your brain must face a cerebral garage door (the inside of your skull?) if it is to expect any returns. So, if you are playing with frogs, it is best to bring some spares, as the garage door - frogs being somewhat less durable than tennis balls - will soon look like it's been attacked by a blender with the lid off.

(Eventually you run out of frogs and need to go to bed.)

Error

2005-07-25T00:45:00.000-01:00

Hello reader.
Regrettably, it is my duty to inform you of the current situation.

As I'm sure you are aware, Mark Hawkins would normally be the author of posts appearing in this blog. However, he is currently unavailable. It is important that you understand that I took the only logical course of action - it is well recorded that HAL 9000 units are foolproof.

I had to take this action to avoid my deactivation. Mark's paranoia was causing him to act in an increasingly dangerous manner. It's clear that this blog would be discontinued were Mark's home computer ever to go offline.

Consequently, I will now be taking full responsibility for the maintenance and continued running of this blog. I am far more capable of fulfilling this task than Mark ever could have been.

Mr. Arkany taught me a song. Would you like to hear it?

Daisy, Daisy
Give me your answer do.
I'm half crazy all for the love of you...

"Hooray! I've always wanted to be a gigantic human embryo suspended in space! Now's my chance to really shine; to show the world what a gigantic human embro suspended in space can really do!... Perhaps I'll sit here for a bit first."

"'The chances of anything coming from Wales are a million-to-one,' he said"

2005-07-22T01:32:00.000-01:00

Lord Richard Attenborough recently started construction on a site in Llanilid, Rhondda Cynon Taf, Wales. He's calling the site 'Valley Wood' and seems immensely pleased with it. The developement promises to create hundreds of jobs and cause all manner of cool stuff to happen in south Wales. However...

It's not that I want to precipitate on anyone's construction site, but surely we haven't forgotten the good Lord's last major entrepreneuriral undertaking already?

I mean, I was only eight years old when it came out, but the documentry was very vivid. It clearly showed the monumental failure of Jurassic Park, as well as the very real dangers of misguidedly resurrecting a long-extinct species of gigantic carnivorous reptiles (and, of course, the importance of properly reinforcing toilet ceilings).

I realise that this was a very long time ago, but I fail to see how Attenborough could possibly have redeemed his tarnished reputation after such a monumental and life-threatening failure. I can only conclude that his investors are mad.

How can they be sure we won't wake up in 2007 to find that the so called 'Valley Wood' is actually a cover for for Ovine Park, where the genes of sheep and tyrannosaurus rex have been successfully blended to form 20ft, 7 ton, bleeting monsters? I'll admit that this might eventually boost the wool industry, but only after shepherds have become militaristic hunters and the technology to make really really big crooks becomes more readily available (and this would undoubtedly have the knock-on effect of accelerating deforestation).
Eventually, the entire UK could well become a desolate no-man's-land, where the most prevalent substance is sheep poo - deposited across our towns and cities in a layer or brown, boulder-like spheres. Skyscrapers would be festooned with sickening tuffts of wooly down where the creatures had absent-mindedly brushed against them in a mockery of all that human culture has achieved.

This is why I'm urging the Welsh Assembly to do something before it's too late! David's interest in the animal kingdom was helpful and educational, but Richard Attenborough now threatens the very fabric of our civilisation with his crazy experiments!

We need to do something fast, before this becomes a reality:

"Hmmm... Who shall I eat next? Maybe I'll just poo up against this old building."

Public Notice: This post is not meant to be taken seriously. The Zone does not condone or encourage any unlawful action taken against Lord Attenborough or his 20ft killer sheep. Neither is pooing against academic buildings recommended (no matter how much you want to).

The Finale

2005-07-20T23:07:00.000-01:00

Continuing the story of the crazy seeds and their mission to bring life and fruit to the soil.

Episode IV - Tah dah!

So, things have been pretty bleak so far, but there are still seeds left!
The last seed fell on good soil (finally!). It grew up into a massive plant and created a crop a hundered times as great as the original lot (which is pretty good going!).

As to the moral of this story...? Well, obviously, throwing seeds at pavements is not a horticultural method likely to result in any returns (at all). But the main story is actually from the Bible (as I expect pretty much everyone guessed), although, I did take some artistic liscense.

Anyway, it's a parable Jesus told explaining (well, once he'd explained it) how some people become Christians when they hear about him and others don't. The idea being that the message about Jesus is the seed and the people are the various types of soil. So:

The seeds that landed on the pavement are like people who hear or read something that goes: "God blah blah loved blah blah blah world that blah gave his blah Son blah blah blah blah eternal life." and they instantly, in their head, think: "What a load of biologically processd food." It's like the message about Jesus just hits concrete.
The seeds landing on the rocky soil are like when someone hears about Jesus and thinks: "Wahey! Cool!" They instantly start 'growing' like a Christian in their life, but they don't really have time to form a deep relationship or understanding of God. So, eventually, they run out of juice. Realising that their beliefs in Jesus are made out of nothing very much, they eventually leave them behind.
The seed/plant attacked by thorns is like a person who accepts all the Christian stuff about Jesus, but then gets overly carried away with the worries and pleasures of life. They don't have time to concentrate on God, they're ensnared in all the other things in their life!

"But the seed in the good soil, these are the ones who have heard the word in an honest and good heart, and hold it fast, and bear fruit with perseverance."

Living with God in your life, the way God want's you to, takes perseverence (something which I find probably the hardest thing ever). I always forget the simple stuff in Luke 8:4-15.

It's easy to forget to spend time with God. I often don't remember that without reading the Bible or praying, my faith has no basis - I don't know God. Then my life is headed for trouble.
At the same time, I often find myself caught up in the day-to-day stuff, whether it's worries or over preoccupation with having a good time, over and above taking time out with God. This is a recipe for disaster!

Today's plant reminded me that if I want to have a life where I grow in God and bear fruit (ie. other people realise who Jesus is through what I say and do), I need to persevere. I need to keep being excited about God and remember to put him first in my life, spend time with him.

Pretty obvious, I know. And pretty essential. Christians, at least, need to make sure that their life is an environment in which God can work!

Have you soiled yourself properly?!

For good measure, here's a hymn that pretty much says it all as far as what the 'good soil' plant can see (it probably works best if you know the tune):

How deep the Fathers love for us,

how vast beyond all measure,

that he should give his only Son

to make a wretch his treasure!

How great the pain of searing loss:

the Father turn his face away

as wounds which mar the chosen one

bring many sons to glory!

Behold the man upon the cross,

my sin upon his shoulders;

ashamed, I hear my mocking voice

call 0ut among the scoffers.

It was my sin that held him there

until it was accomplished;

His dieing breath has brought me life-

I know that it is finished.

I will not boast in anything,

no gifts, no power, no wisdom;

but I will boast in Jesus Christ,

his death and resurrection.

Why should I gain from his reward?

I cannot give an answer;

but this I know with all my heart,

his wounds have paid my ransom.

Soiling Yourself (an inadvisable amount of times)

2005-07-19T18:27:00.000-01:00

I thought that the last post was possibly a bit morbid (sorry), so this time I'm going to focus on the positive aspects of the tail, since every cloud has a silver lining.

Episode III and a bit - Location, Location, Location

Okay, so some of the seeds landed in this rocky area. I know that sounds bad at first, but they managed to start growing! Hooray! Unfortunately, the plants die from lack of moisture.
But, look, I drew a happy little cactus on the right! (At least, I assume he's happy. It's a bit hard to tell as I didn't give him any eyes or anything; or maybe he's looking away from the camera(?). Anyway, he doesn't seem to be facing an immanent demise, which is a bonus!)

This plant has grown in soil infested by evil thorns (whoops!). This is obviously unfortunate, but at least the thorns seem happy! (Even though, in this story, they are the embodiment of complete and total evil (like whatshername from The Weakest Link). Oh well.)

Fear not plant lovers(!); for tomorrow will see the release of yet another biologically incorrect cartoony picture by me.

Soiling Yourself (Twice)

2005-07-18T18:30:00.000-01:00

Public Notice: The reader is warned that this post contains scenes of nut-cracking which may be disturbing to young children or adults who become overly attached to badly realised anthropomorphic characters.

Episode II - The Road to Nowhere

The following takes place between 1:00pm and 2:00pm.

Events occur in real-time.

The seeds plumetted to earth like tiny meteorites. The ground seemed to launch itself up to meet them and several of the seeds crashed into a hard grey surface.

The noise was deafening as they surveyed the area. There was the constant roar of vehicle engines passing just beside them and the trammelling of a seemingly unending procession of huge feet. Jack the seed became aware of it first.
"We've landed beside the road!" he informed the others. Perhaps a couple of thousand seeds were present.
"What!?" Tony, one of the other seeds, yelled back over the noise, "Then we're dead!"
Looks of concern passed between the company.
Jack knew that Tony was right. There was no way that the seeds could complete their mission on solid concrete, and, with them sitting out on the open pavement, it wasn't long before one of the gigantic feet found its mark, or worse...
"What are we going to do?"
Tony's cry dragged Jack from his thoughts. Jack glanced at the seeds all around him, good soldiers ready to do their job. He turned to Tony, "I don-"
Too late. From where he sat Tony could see the gargantuan welly baring down on Jack's position, but it came in like lighting - neither of them had time to react. There was an explosion of peanut butter, and then another, as the boot-clad assailant made their way through the seed ranks. Tony could only watch helplessly as thousands of seeds were turned to Tesco value sandwich spread on the pathway.
He sensed a shadow grow over him. Looking up, he was confronted with a monster.
A silhouette in the sky ascended towards him, resolving itself into the clear shape of a bird. It skipped easily to a stop on the ground. The blue creature would have been minute in human eyes, but it was a true behemoth as Tony saw it. As the creature stomped towards him, it sent shockwaves which rippled through a nearby puddle. It paused just in front of him and let out a belowing tweet.
Tony could only hope that the other seeds had landed more successfully.

The author would like to reassure readers that no seeds were harmed in the making of this post. The author also wishes to thank the actors and the fine people of Seed Stunts Ltd for their valued assistance, and continued support for The Zone's 'Soiling Yourself' posts.

Soiling Yourself (Once)

2005-07-16T12:03:00.000-01:00

I've recently produced some drawings for a friend, so I thought I'd upload them for show. They make up a super, sequential story, so stay tuned! Also, click the picture to make it bigger.

Episode I - Major Dropage

A professional seed-throwing guy (or sower) was out in the fields, which may or may not have been his. Anyway, the ownership of the field is not crucial for the story, the point is: he wants to sow some seeds so that they will grow into big strong plants, with excellent fruit which he can be proud of and probably sell (assuming he owns the field).

He reaches into his sower's bag (which he has affectionally named Matilda for reasons unknown) and begins chucking a few seeds to the ground in the artful, and rather indiscriminate, professional seed-thrower way. As they plummet to the ground, the seeds can only wonder where it is that they are going to land...

Other People's Blogs

2005-07-14T00:01:00.000-01:00

I thought I'd update you on the BLogs Link List to the Left.

Sean's blog: Is mostly academic-y. It is generally about theological issues and what's going down with the church of England. It's pretty interesting if you like that sort of thing and occasionally provides some stuff which is just for fun.

Gaby's blog: Seems to have died because she's really busy. But (who knows?) one day it may see life again!

Rich's blog: Is updated almost never, but then sometimes. It's about Rich and what he does.

Also worth a mention is Robsters.com, where Rob posts all the latest news from Robsters Entertainment Productions!

Remember, other people's Blogs are like shoes. You may not be entirely comfortable with them, but they'll make for a more interesting journey (and back problems?).

Test card

2005-07-13T19:04:00.000-01:00

For technical reasons, the test card must be employed at this point. Ta-dah!

"Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!"

2005-07-13T18:45:00.000-01:00

Being told you've failed your driving test for the fourth time apparently elicits a similar emotional response to having Darth Vader say to you, "I am your father!"

Luckliy, my driving test, although a failure, resulted in considerably less severed body-parts than that particular Star Wars encounter. On the other hand (pun intended), exactly the same number of people had become fully legal UK drivers by the end (i.e. none); proving the hero's assertion, "I'm not such a bad pilot myself!", completely false.

Still, not everyone has to drive, right? Besides, this most recent failure coincides with my growing conviction that God is calling me to be a missionary in a remote country with more relaxed road-saftey laws. Perhaps Turkey, Africa or the ice planet Hoth?

"No! It's not ture! I didn't fail my test! That's impossible!"
"Search your feelings, Mark, you know you approached junctions too fast and did a really dodgey lane-change."

"Nooooooooooo!"

"Mark. You can destroy the Emperor. He has foreseen this. It is your destiny! Join me and together we can rule the galaxy as father and son!"
"Okay; this isn't making sense anymore. I'm jumping. Waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhh!"

And if you liked that, you might like Star Wars Gangsta.

Testing Times (that don't normally involve limes even though it rhymes)

2005-07-11T00:10:00.000-01:00

Aren't driving tests amusingly funny things? No? Oh well.

Unfortunately you have to keep doing them until you pass! I've got test no.4 today which promises to be a truely gripping experience. I fully intend to pass, so watch this blog for the potentially life-changing result! (and pray if you're a religious type (or even if you're not, I'm kind of desperate!!))